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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22749193">If I Could See You Again</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/probablysecretlyawitch/pseuds/probablysecretlyawitch'>probablysecretlyawitch</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fans of the Impossible Life - Kate Scelsa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mild Blood, Self-Harm, Suicide Notes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 10:07:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,042</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22749193</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/probablysecretlyawitch/pseuds/probablysecretlyawitch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically the first Fans of the Impossible Life fanfiction is Jeremy/Sebby angst and I think that fits</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jeremy/Sebby, Mira &amp; Jeremy, Mira &amp; Jeremy &amp; Sebby, Mira &amp; Sebby</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>If I Could See You Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The summer was over and they were back home. Mira and Jeremy hadn’t seen Sebby since last year and they didn’t think much of it. Last they had heard he was fine just couch hopping for the summer. When they got home, however, they were in for a hell of a surprise. Mira’s mom wouldn’t tell her exactly what happened because she thought Mira might hurt herself again, but Jeremy was told exactly what happened. Sebby had killed himself. </p>
<p>He didn’t accidentally overdose or pass out drunk to never wake up again. No, he had intentionally killed himself, and he had left a note. Jeremy had pored over the note for ages. He had to make a new copy for Mira because he had cried on the original so much that the words were barely visible. </p>
<p> Sebby had mentioned all things that had been and all the things that could’ve been. What he had felt and why he hadn’t said what he wanted to. What got Jeremy especially emotional was the bit about him and Mira. He took the papers out from his desk drawer again. It was torn and tear stained. One and a half pages long: it took a little while to read and Jeremy didn’t want to be interrupted, so he locked his bedroom door. He slid down the wall and began to read. The ink stained pages read: </p>
<p>“‘You have been here before.</p>
<p>The highway winding north through dark New England forests. White dunes towering above the sides of the road, looking like the moon.</p>
<p>You can come back. Even after you hurt each other too deeply to comprehend. Even after the impossible becomes just that. Too far out of reach even to dream.</p>
<p>Love remembers the places where it touched down, left an invisible trail on your bodies. Follow it back. You can follow it back to them.’</p>
<p>I won’t get in your way when you do. I’ll be long gone by the time you're back.  I won’t ruin any more trips to the thrift shop. I won’t tag along  to anymore parties just to get drunk out of my mind. I won’t make late night trips to your house, Jeremy. </p>
<p>Do you remember when we met? It’s weird to think that we only met a few months ago. It feels like we’ve known each other for years. But we haven’t. I just feel that because of how fucking dependent on you I’ve become. On both of you. Oh and for the love of a God I don’t believe in, just tell my “mom” I ran away. Heaven forbid I “inconvenience her.” I’m 18 so it shouldn’t matter.</p>
<p> Not that my death matters. I made sure to be far away from the beach this summer. I wanted you both to know how you’d be fine without me. For fucks sake, you’ll probably thrive. Mira, you can get through your projects without me distracting you. Jeremy, you can lead a normal life. Remember I did this for you, not because of you. I want you both to be as happy as you can be. <br/>Remember the spell we cast up on the cliff. When we lay in a triangle, and you, Mira, had Jeremy draw in the dirt. You made us promise that we’d stay the same. But I broke the promise. I’m the one that broke the spell. I just don’t want to break anything else. </p>
<p>I would’ve come to the beach with you if I could’ve. If I could’ve made it through the summer without ruining everything. We could have enjoyed ice cream and worked together to bury Mira on the sand, but I’m sure you did that without me anyway. If I was there, you would have the same summer except you’d be worried about me. I would run off in the middle of the night and not come back until the next afternoon. </p>
<p>This way I won’t bother anyone. I’ll be dead. I’ll be a ghost. I won’t bother you as a ghost either, I promise.  Is it odd that I can find humor in this. I hope you both can, too. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I was going to leave the note, but then I realized I didn’t tell you about my actual death.  I’m going to hang myself. Classic, right? No mess to clean up. Slow and painful like I deserve. I thought about overdosing but that's too risky. If I survive I’ll go back to a mental institution. I can't go back there without you, Mira. And I couldn’t do that to Jeremy. It would interrupt your perfect summer, and we can’t have that.  </p>
<p>I stole the rope, too. The cherry on top of my death. “Here lies Sebastian Tate, an addicted piece of shit that ruined everything and stole shit, too.” I don’t think that’s what my tombstone will say. But you can check if you want. I’m sure the guy I’m staying with will handle it. He lives at 348 North Field Drive. Honestly I don’t deserve a tombstone. It’s not like anyone will want to remember me anyway. </p>
<p>No one cared when I was alive, so why should they care when I’m dead? I guess it’s all pretty funny. People don’t care that you’re alive until you’re not.  I’m sorry if I’ve overlooked something here, but I think I covered everything.  </p>
<p>I Love You</p>
<p>-Sebby”</p>
<p>Jeremy felt the tears roll off his face and onto the note. He thumped his head back against the wall. How could Sebby have been so goddamn selfish?! How could he possibly have thought that he didn’t mean anything to Jeremy. Jeremy reached into his pocket to break a promise.</p>
<p>After Mira read the note, they cast another spell, one they weren’t allowed to break. They wouldn’t read the note to hurt themselves. Jeremy had just broken the promise. He was the one who had just broken the spell. He pressed the blade into his skin and felt the slight prick that meant blood would be drawn. He dragged it across his wrist multiple times, knowing the pain would soon be numbed. He watched as blood trickled down his wrist and onto the carpet. He looked up at the ceiling and willed himself not to cry again.</p>
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